There's no need to be PC about this, you're going to get a butt-load of gifts. And to make getting what you want a whole lot easier, many stores have created something called registries. Basically, you go into the store, select the items you want, and people can then see the things you chose (and buy them!)
Wow!
Sounds really simple right? Well, almost.
Prepare yourself for Bed, Bath and Beyond. Prepare yourself for oven mitts and place mats and vegetable peelers. Prepare for linens and shower heads and lamps. PREPARE YOURSELF FOR CHINA PATTERNS.
You will survive, but you have to be mentally prepared. Understand that many girls have planned their future home down to the pattern on the paper napkins. They have been dreaming about this, and they take it very seriously. Worst of all, they want you to care as well.
Now is when you are walking on thin ice: you have to care, but you can't disagree too much. The best strategy I've found is three pronged:
1. Pick one item to stand your ground on. Make sure it's something of some value, but also one that is more out of sight. For example, demand a specific napkin ring, sandwich maker, or bath towel.
2. For certain items, select a few that you like and then put the ball in her court. Select the three blankets, bookshelves, or flatware that you like ask her which one she likes.
3. When she asks you what you think about something, don't just give her a "it's nice." Look at the item, analyze it, and come up with a good answer. Isolate a specific detail, design or functionality that makes it appealing.
It will be a long process. A very long process that may take a number of visits. But if you stick to these simple tips, and show (pretend) that you care, you will make it out alright.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Special Edition: Keep Your Wedding Moving
I went to a wedding last night, and it was the longest wedding I've ever been to, and I left before dinner was served!
Kabbalat Panim was called for 5:30 with a Chupa at 6:00 sharp. My wife and I arrived at 5:30 like good yekkis should, and found out that the shmorg was going to take place after the chupa. Sounded alright.
Long story short, for reasons still unclear to me, the chupa didn't start until 7:30. After the chupa there was a break longer than an hour before the dining room was open, and by 10:30, my wife and I decided to leave having just eaten some of our salad.
I was later informed that those who stayed through the end left at 1:30 am.
So please, keep in mind that while your wedding may all that's going on in your life right now, other people have their lives to live. People want to celebrate with you, but it's rude to take advantage of people's time. Stick to the schedule.
Kabbalat Panim was called for 5:30 with a Chupa at 6:00 sharp. My wife and I arrived at 5:30 like good yekkis should, and found out that the shmorg was going to take place after the chupa. Sounded alright.
Long story short, for reasons still unclear to me, the chupa didn't start until 7:30. After the chupa there was a break longer than an hour before the dining room was open, and by 10:30, my wife and I decided to leave having just eaten some of our salad.
I was later informed that those who stayed through the end left at 1:30 am.
So please, keep in mind that while your wedding may all that's going on in your life right now, other people have their lives to live. People want to celebrate with you, but it's rude to take advantage of people's time. Stick to the schedule.
The Diamond Ring
I am a traditionalist, and I think the engagement ring is a very important symbol. It is a guarantee to the girl that you won't be stringing her along and then drop her.
Now if you can't afford a ring, maybe you should think about whether you can afford to support a family. If the answer is still yes, hope is not lost and creative alternatives are available. It's also not the worst thing to forgo the diamond ring altogether.
Now I recommend surprising the girl, to an extent. When we knew we were going to get engaged, but that it was a while off, I took my girlfriend (now wife) to jewelry store on 34th street and let her show me what sort of thing she liked. I took notes, and started looking.
I found out that every Jewish person has a connection to a diamond dealer. Ask friends and family what yours is. Basically you can go to the diamond dealer, tell him how much you want to spend, and he finds the right rock. Then you show him what kind of setting you want, and he'll get it ready in about two weeks. Just make sure you have enough money to pay him - he'll want cash!
So how much do you spend on the ring? I went with two months salary which seemed like it made sense to me, and it worked out very well. After all, you don't want the girl to love the ring more than she loves you, right?
Now if you can't afford a ring, maybe you should think about whether you can afford to support a family. If the answer is still yes, hope is not lost and creative alternatives are available. It's also not the worst thing to forgo the diamond ring altogether.
Now I recommend surprising the girl, to an extent. When we knew we were going to get engaged, but that it was a while off, I took my girlfriend (now wife) to jewelry store on 34th street and let her show me what sort of thing she liked. I took notes, and started looking.
I found out that every Jewish person has a connection to a diamond dealer. Ask friends and family what yours is. Basically you can go to the diamond dealer, tell him how much you want to spend, and he finds the right rock. Then you show him what kind of setting you want, and he'll get it ready in about two weeks. Just make sure you have enough money to pay him - he'll want cash!
So how much do you spend on the ring? I went with two months salary which seemed like it made sense to me, and it worked out very well. After all, you don't want the girl to love the ring more than she loves you, right?
Thursday, August 9, 2007
The Invitation List
It no particular order, it seems like this is how we're going to start.
In order to have a wedding, it seems you need to have hordes of people to celebrate with you. While it may seem like a simple task to invite every person you spent a shabbos with over the last 8 years of your life, don't fool yourself.
For the purpose of this post, I'm going to give suggestions based on the numbers that come to "mega-weddings" of over 250 people. While I personally endorse small weddings (my parents had 8 guests at their wedding - one aunt is still upset she wasn't invited), I understand that the custom is not that way in the Orthodox Jewish community, and that's not how my wedding was.
Keep in mind that weddings are expensive. I don't know how people pay for them, but they can reach well into the six-figures, and often the amount of people invited have an impact on that. So think about each person you want to invite, and make sure that you want them to be there. Don't feel guilty, and don't just invite someone because they invited you. Only invite those people if you have a desire to stay good friends with them.
As far as how to compose the list, try getting some old lists from friends in the same group. It will help you get a handle and a place to start. Go through your recent emails and your phonebook on your cell. You're always going to forget someone, and just explain it to them.
The end of the story is that while your wedding is an important day, it is a day that will pass. The friends you will keep for life are those that will be with you in the weeks, months and years following the wedding, not those who came for the free food.
In order to have a wedding, it seems you need to have hordes of people to celebrate with you. While it may seem like a simple task to invite every person you spent a shabbos with over the last 8 years of your life, don't fool yourself.
For the purpose of this post, I'm going to give suggestions based on the numbers that come to "mega-weddings" of over 250 people. While I personally endorse small weddings (my parents had 8 guests at their wedding - one aunt is still upset she wasn't invited), I understand that the custom is not that way in the Orthodox Jewish community, and that's not how my wedding was.
Keep in mind that weddings are expensive. I don't know how people pay for them, but they can reach well into the six-figures, and often the amount of people invited have an impact on that. So think about each person you want to invite, and make sure that you want them to be there. Don't feel guilty, and don't just invite someone because they invited you. Only invite those people if you have a desire to stay good friends with them.
As far as how to compose the list, try getting some old lists from friends in the same group. It will help you get a handle and a place to start. Go through your recent emails and your phonebook on your cell. You're always going to forget someone, and just explain it to them.
The end of the story is that while your wedding is an important day, it is a day that will pass. The friends you will keep for life are those that will be with you in the weeks, months and years following the wedding, not those who came for the free food.
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Other Jewish Wedding Guides
For the time being, Chatan D'nan is not coming up in the top 10 when you google "jewish weddings." It's not even coming up when you search for "Chatan" or "Jewish groom."
So what is out there already to help the Jewish Groom?
1. Aish HaTorah has an online wedding guide.
2. Ohr Somayach comes in at #2 with a guide of its own.
Wikipedia comes in at #3 followed by ehow and a bunch of Judaica websites.
So what sets Chatan D'nan apart? This is going to be real advice from a real Jewish guy who went through a real Jewish wedding. There will be no sugarcoating, but also no unnecessary bitterness. It will be raw and honest.
Let's make this baby #1 on google. Let's get on with it!
-Chatan
So what is out there already to help the Jewish Groom?
1. Aish HaTorah has an online wedding guide.
2. Ohr Somayach comes in at #2 with a guide of its own.
Wikipedia comes in at #3 followed by ehow and a bunch of Judaica websites.
So what sets Chatan D'nan apart? This is going to be real advice from a real Jewish guy who went through a real Jewish wedding. There will be no sugarcoating, but also no unnecessary bitterness. It will be raw and honest.
Let's make this baby #1 on google. Let's get on with it!
-Chatan
Jewish Weddings: 101
There is nothing to fear. Being the Chatan/Choson/Groom at a Jewish wedding can sometimes be a little overwhelming, but it's nothing that can't be overcome. Hopefully this will help clear up some of the details, give advice, and allay fears.
Please read along with the posts, and add any comments you may have.
I got married about two months ago, so it's all fresh in my mind. This may be inconsistent with Blogger culture, but I don't think I know anything. Please write in with ideas you may have, or if you think I got something wrong.
Anyway, best of luck to all you guys out there, best sign off and get back to the Mrs.
-Chatan
Please read along with the posts, and add any comments you may have.
I got married about two months ago, so it's all fresh in my mind. This may be inconsistent with Blogger culture, but I don't think I know anything. Please write in with ideas you may have, or if you think I got something wrong.
Anyway, best of luck to all you guys out there, best sign off and get back to the Mrs.
-Chatan
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